The Chronicles of Uchiha Madara
by Khorale
Summary: It's a journal written by one bored Uchiha who seeks to torment all those around him.
1. Vacation and pranking

Entry 1

I HATE my life.

Pein forced us to start keeping diaries. And I'm still Tobi, so he can order me around.

I am an Uchiha! Uchihas don't keep girly things such as diaries!

None of the others seemed excited either, so at least there's still that.

Ja ne.

Entry 2

Went to bother Deidara-senpai today.

Fun times.

Entry 3

Do you have ANY idea how HARD it was to constantly pretending to be hyper? I eat a ton of sugar every day and still collapse in exhausion every night.

Okay, calming down now.

...

Yay. I'm back. The Akatsuki just had a meeting, we are to have a vacation.

Yes, you heard me right.

A vacation. On the beach.

I swear, he's taunting me.

Entry 4

Three more days until 'vacation'.

Hmm... I wonder if Konoha would accept me if I turn myself in.

...

...

Nah.

Entry 5

Two more days until 'vacation'.

I have taken a stand. I am standing on the roof of the Akatsuki hideout waving a red flag, screaming "TOBI REFUSES TO GO TO THE BEACH! TOBI WANTS A SAY IN THIS!"

Sadly, it did not work.

The others are disturbed, though, and would be avoiding me for a while.

Me? I just don't want to go because I would have to remove my mask in the water.

Though, on the second thought, that was why the others are so eager to go.

Entry 6

One more day until 'vacation'.

I think I have a supporter.

Konan thinks Pein's gone crazy, too.

She doesn't like the water either.

Entry 7

Tomorrow is the 'vacation'.

I am playing pranks on everybody except for Konan.

*smirk*

I sent Leader-sama a love note claiming to be from Zetsu.

Sasori's joints are frozen in a very awkward position.

A bra had MYSTEEEEEERIOUSLY found its way to Deidara, while tissue balls are stuffed inside.

Nobody know how a wad of money ended up inside Hidan's pants. Kakuzu was pissed off.

Sasori? Well, he ended up joining my cause. Going to the beach would end in him coming out that big puppet shell (Hirako, he calls it). Like my mask, people are wanting to see our faces beneath.

Bleh.

I couldn't think up anything for Itachi and Kisame, but maby...

A second, please.

...

YES! IT WORKED!

Y'see, I walked up to Itachi and told him (in my own voice, not Tobi's) that I was Madara Uchiha.

HE ACTUALLY BELIEVED ME!

poor guy fainted.

As for Kisame, maybe propping up some fish plushies on his bed or something?

Maybe later.


	2. Scary Stories

Entry 8

Everything went well until the Fangirls appeared.

We were playing beach ball when THEY suddenly squealed in unison (creepy) and advanced towards us, still emitting that horrible noise.

You have no idea how terrifying that was!

Swarming masses of flesh, intending to devour us and have their wicked ways with us.

"SCATTER!" Pein yelled, and we all dashed our own direction. Right now I am hiding on a tree, watching the wave or THEM getting closer.

I knew this vacation was a bad idea.

Entry 9

We escaped.

And HEY! Nine is my favorite number!

'Cuz there's nine Bijuus we need to catch, and then my plan to power will become COMPLETE!

MUAHAHAHAHAA!

"Tobi, what are you doing, un?"

"HAHAHAHA- er, Tobi isn't doing anything, Deidara-senpai..."

"Yeah. Right, un. I don't wanna know." and he left.

Whew.

Entry 10

PIZZA~!

A food I actually liked! Though it was annoying to find everybody staring at me, waiting to see what's under my mask.

Itachi suddenly burst into the room.

"TOMORROW IS MY BROTHER'S BIRTHDAY!" he yelled.

Well that's surprising.

...

I'm back, and it's night already.

Itachi forced us to give the gifts to him so he could mail it to his little brother.

But I'm pretty sure said brother is plotting revenge against Itachi, so how...

Nevermind...

PS, I gave him a lolipop!

Entry 11

Hello.

My name is Uchiha Sasuke, and I want to kill my brother.

I found this book lying around and suddenly got the urge to write in-

"EMO-CHAN! THAT IS TOBI'S DIARY! GIVE IT BACK TO TOBI!"

What a weirdo.

And I think I'll keep this diary. It's a great audience to listen to my woes.

"TOBI. IS. A. GOOD. BOY!" the masked weirdo yelled as he tackled me and sent this book flying.

"That's what you get for stealing Tobi's Diary-chan! Bakayaro!"

Entry 12

That stupid diary-thief! I would've fireballed his ass if Pein hadn't called me back. Something about a meeting.

When I arrived at the base, I noticed that everybody else was here already.

"Why are you late, Tobi? Leader-sama asked.

"Tobi was chasing a butterfly!" I chirped enthusiastically. "It tastes very pretty and carried Tobi to the dancing mushroom kingdom!"

I mentally snickered at their faces.

"... I don't want to know." Leader-sama said finally, and turned away. "Now what is your opinion of the vacation?"

"Complete and utter crap, un." Deidara muttered.

"Those fangirls are immune to my poisons." Sasori whimpered.

"A puffle almost ate Tobi!" I cried pitifully, flinging myself at Zetsu.

"Um... What's a puffle?"

"Are you sure you want to know?" I peered from behind the plant man. "Tobi is warning ya."

They shivered a bit, which is not surprising as I added a bit of my chakra to lower a few degrees in the room.

"Just get on with it!" Hidan snapped.

"Fine," I mumbled, "according to a legend, Puffles have red, glowing eyes and a body covered with black fur. Nobody had ever gotten close to see what a puffle looks like before, and all who sees never returns."

The Akatsuki gasped, though Leader-sama just rolled his eyes.

"Puffles," I continued, "lurk in the dark. They could be anywhere and you wouldn't know. Slithering, hissing, waiting.

"They come out after dark, luring unsuspecting shinobis into secluded places, where they pounce."

"A-a-and what happens after that?" Itachi whispered, totally absorbed in my story. It was funny to see him actually stammer. "What do they do..?" he continued fearfully.

I grinned, "They eat you alive. They rip the flesh from the bone, then more of them arrived. Puffles could scent blood, you know.

"If you need advise in avoiding Puffles, remember this: don't wander the halls alone in the middle of the night. Don't stray from the living room or your own bedroom where you have a partner to keep you company. And most importantly, Never let there be a blackout-"

BZZZZZZZZZZT

...

Guess what?

It's a blackout.

Entry 13

Midnight right now, and no light has come yet.

Honestly, I think my scary story frightened even myself. Though the others were much more spooked.

Deidara would scream at every little noise. Sasori, Kakuzu, Kisame,and Leader-sama were huddled together, waiting for this to pass.

Somehow, I don't think this is a a coincidence.

Itachi was using his sharingan to see in the dark, which was scaring everybody. You have no idea how much he looked like a puffle! (that sentence sounded silly, too bad I wrote everything in pen)

As to where I got the name 'puffle' from? Well, I DID make a few mistakes the first few times I attempted Kamui in my younger days. It teleported me to different dimensions until I managed to find my way back here.

Anyways, so I encountered an island full of penguins capable of human speech and other things. I would rather not talk about it. But still, they have those little fluff-ball pets called puffles.

Bye for now, my flashlight battery is running out so I can't write much longer.

Entry 14

We're using natural sunlight by digging holes through the walls for windows. We're in a cave, so it's pretty hard.

No light yet.

I sense somebody watching me...


	3. Attack of the Puffles

Entry 15

Still no electricity.

Maybe it's a freak storm or something? Pein (I stopped calling him Leader-sama after I FINALLY stopped being mad at the fact that he gave us diaries)

We can't last for much longer! All canned foods had been eaten and now we're all hungry.

Oh yeah, I found out who was watching me:

Orochimaru.

Entry 16

Didn't explain last time, sorry for that. I was too busy.

It turns out that Kabuto somehow blew up Otogakure, and now the snake sanin is seeking refuge from angry villagers (who don't know he's their leader, of course).

Though none of us are happy about it, Pein allowed him to stay.

I think he want's Orochimaru to suffer with us 'cause there are no electricity here.

But it's doing more harm than good.

That CREEP is still watching my every step, I think he has Sharingan-senses or something...

He stares at Itachi, too, but not as much.

*groan*

Entry 17

Orochimaru finally left.

We decided to throw a party, but there was no electricity still, all we had are the alcohol.

At least there's still natural light out.

Deidara-senpai and Sasori are engaged in a ferocious game of tic-tac-toe. Konan is decorating the room. Kisame and Itachi were mud-wrestling, which the shark nin obviously won. Hidan was cussing out Pein, who wasn't taking that lightly. Ouch.

And me? I was watching this with great amusement while drinking with Kakuzu. I'm not 100% sober, and my personality has gone a one-eighty.

Yessssss, I am now Tobi pretending to be Madara instead of the other way around? Cool, eh?

"FEAR MY POWER! BWAHAHAHAHAAA!"

"...Tobi?" Kakuzu actually looked scared! Hah!

"THAT'S UCHIHA MADARA-SAMA TO YOU!"

...

Am I getting paranoid? 'Cuz that feeling was back, like I was watched.

Maybe it's just the alcohol affecting my senses...

...

Sober now.

Nope, that feeling still hasn't gone away. I could hear the others complaining too.

Forgot what happened while drunk, but the others are staring at me strangely. Itachi with a bit fear.

Meh.

Entry 18

OMG...

No, I'm not high right now, I actually thought that.

It turns out that puffles are REAL!

As big as soccer balls, while looking cuddly and fuzzy, had evil glowing red eyes! They have no limbs, and have razor sharp teeth.

They were the ones blocking our electricity! And now, they have our base surrounded.

I am never going to tell another scary story again.

Entry 19

The puffles are still outside, but the power's gone on.

We can't go out, they can't come in, and both sides are hungry.

"KREE!" that's the sound they make. Blood-curling screeches that sounded much creepier than Orochimaru's maniacal laughter.

They Akatsuki were huddled together, scared out of their wits.

"If I knew this would happen, I would have told Halibel I lov-" Kisame was interrupted by Itachi's hand smacking his head.

"WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!"

"Tobi, this is all your fault, un!"

"Jashin protect me from a painful death..."

I snuck away and got my fighting stuff (the war fan and scythe). I guess identity doesn't matter if you're dead.

The puffles are going to break in here sooner or later, and Uchiha Madara is not going down without a fight.

Entry 20

I'm... Back...

...

Ouch.

That's all I can say, now! Gotta go!

...

*twitch*

Why oh why don't we have a doctor in Akatsuki?

All of us are -OUCH- covered in -OUCH- bite marks.

No time to explain! Busy!

Entry 21

Whew, It's nearly over.

Yesterday was... Eventful, to say at least.

We were alert when the door made the first cracking noise. And soon enough, waves upon waves of puffles are pouring in, trying to devour us all.

It was a mass bloodbath.

And somehow, my mask was unscathed *insert sigh of relief*

Barely got the time to scribble a few things down, then went back into the fray.

By the end of that, most of us are covered in bite marks, Zetsu's plant thingys are shredded and he's pissed off about that.

Now he's eating the puffle corpses, and we're moping up all the blood on the floor while waddling through it, ankle-deep.

That's how many puffles there had been.

And I'm sure fans of cute, fuzzy creatures are screaming for our deaths now.

...

Most of the Akatsuki are still unconscious, and I'm tempted to sleep. But who knows when I'll wake up, of if one of our enemies smell the blood and takes the opportunity to kill us all?

And I'm the only one awake besides Zetsu, not to mention the true leader of this organization. I think I should be responsible for a bit.

Just a bit.


	4. Meetings and Kidnapped!

Entry 22

Deidara-senpai's running a fever!

Tobi's a good boy! Tobi will help senpai!

…

Madara here.

I am confused, because I did not write that earlier.

Is somebody impersonating Tobi and writing in my diary?

…

Checked the previous entries, but the's no additions (aside from the time that diary thief wrote in here)

This needs further investigation.

Entry 23

Nobody woke up.

It's getting annoying.

What's ironic is that I always want some quiet in this base, and now I got it? I don't want it.

I'd rather hear Hidan curse all day than stand another MINUTE of this silence

...

THAT'S IT! I'M GOING OUTSIDE!

Entry 24

Ordered Zetsu to look after the Akatsuki.

Just my luck, there a Meeting today!

The Annual Villain Meeting is a once-a-year thing, where the bad guys of the world meet.

And the Akatsuki dare to miss this!

I'm going alone, then.

Sigh.

...

I'm here, and at least there's company here. Unlike back home.

Let's see, there are Aizen, Naraku, Voldemort, and I as the leaders for holding each meeting, and debate over strategies for taking over our worlds.

Aizen and Naraku were arguing who's jewel are better : the Hogyoku or the Shikon no Tama.

Voldemort was conversing with one of Aizen's minions, someone with pink hair and glasses, about ways to rise from the dead. Szayelapporro was not amused at Voldemort's appearance.

I found myself sitting with a green guy, somebody named Cell.

He tried to eat me. With that stinger on his back.

Honestly, am I the only sane one out there?

"Oi, Madara! Whoever that thought up your moon plan is a baka!"

"Who are you calling a baka! And what about you? Hosting a tournament and give everybody a shot at you, it's like you're BEGGING to be killed!"

"At least I don't wear a mask that looks like when the toilet flushes!"

"It's supposed to be a whirlpool, and Tobi thinks it's a great design!"

"...who is Tobi? Your girlfriend?"

"It was not me who said that, I swear!"

It happened again, the mysterious Tobi-wannabe actually took over my body!

O.o

I'm not gonna get much sleep tonight...

Entry 25

The Akatsuki woke up.

They were not pleased to know that they had missed the Annual Villain Meeting.

I'm off to annoy Pein for now, and there's nothing he could do while confined to a hospital bed!

Hah! Payback for leaving me to care for you for half a week!

Entry 26

Tobi is a good boy!

Madara-san is not here right now, and Tobi gets to play!

It's so lonely here sometimes, maybe itachi-san can get Tobi a lolipop?

Entry 27

I have no memory of yesterday and woke up with a lolipop in my mouth.

Freaked when read the entry yesterday.

Who is this Tobi and what does he want with me?

Entry 28

Got kidnapped by men in white suits today.

"You're not Madara Uchiha, imposter," one of them hissed.

"It's Uchiha Madara," I corrected him (Hey, I've been through the Kyuubi, Hashirama, Tobi, fangirls, and puffles! How can I be scared of anything afte that?) "And I think I remember perfectly well who I am."

"Then what do you say about this?" one of them shoved a book into my face.

"Na...ru...to..." I read slowly, "The's a book on the kid I'm supposed to catch?"

One man rolled his eyes, "Yes, and this takes several years in the future. And now..." he flipped open to a page and pointed to it.

I gaped at it, as it was shocking to see MYSELF in a book, and that is one AWESOME MASK!

"This," he continued, " have revealed to us that Tobi is in fact, NOT Uchiha Madara."

I raised an eyebrow (though they couldn't see beyond the mask), "And you believed a book over the real deal?" I asked incredulously.

"It's right about everything else."

"That still doesn't mean it's true about me. I am Tobi."

"It says here that Tobi is not Madara!"

"Stop referring me in third person, and I AM TOBI!"

"Guys," a female person interrupted us, "Am I the only one seeing you're arguing over two different things?"

"Huh?" we turned to look at her.

"Think about it," she elaborated, "Is Madara Tobi?"

"Yes." I said instantly while he said "No."

"And is Tobi Madara?"

This time, both of us said, "No."

"What?" the man turned to me, obviously confused.

"There you go!" the woman said, satisfied, "Madara IS Tobi right now, but if you say that Tobi is Madara, then he is not."

"I still don't get it..."

"Ugh," she sighed, "in layman's terms, Madara is Tobi."

"Fine, fine..." he grumbled. "This is all a mistake, We are sorry for bringing you away from home, and you can go back now."

"But I don't know how to go back, you guys stuffed me into a bag!"

We all looked around.

"We're lost."


	5. Good bye world!

Entry 23

This is one BIG forest.

The three of us are hopelessly lost, and it's getting dark.

Last night we ripped the bag (that I was brought here in) open and gathered some sticks to make a shaky little tent.

It was very uncomfortable, not to mention awkward.

Now it's the afternoon, and I just remembered something.

Excuse me for a sec:

"Show me that book."

"What book?"

"Stop the innocent act, and tell me more about the book that tells my future!"

"I have NO idea what you're talking about."

"You showed it to me while 'interrogating' me about Tobi!'

"... It's nothing..."

"Look, either you show it to me, or I'm burning your bag with Amaterasu."

Then he started freaking out all because his candy stash was in there. So in the end, I got the book.

Going to read now, see you later.

...

Damn, it was too dark to see anything!

Entry 24

Morning comes and what did I find?

The tent is empty and the book is gone!

Those little brats...

...

Those two are no ninjas! They didn't even conceal their scent, which was taught in the Academy.

But if they are civilians, then how do they KNOW all those things?

Hn.

Entry 25

Finally tracked those brats down.

As revenge, tied them to a tree upside down, and coat them in honey.

The book's unharmed, of course, but-

CRASH

"LOOK WHAT YOU DID YOU RIPPED IT IN HALF!"

I am going to KILL them!

...

The brats chewed through the ropes and landed on the book. Now it's ripped in half by a sharp branch and sticky with honey.

I sent the brats into a lake (they can swim, so it's not AS deadly). Washed honey off book carefully and patched it up with tape.

Yeeeeeah, one tends to get bored in the Akatsuki base and then start to collect random things.

That hobby turns out to be useful as I have a biscuit, some tape, a hairdryer, and a can of oil in my pocket dimension! Of course, there are more things, but those are the only USEFUL items I could find.

Am now waiting for the book to dry.

Entry 26

How am I using the oil, you ask?

Well that's really easy: to guard the book while it's drying.

You see, based on my previous experiences, every time I attempts to read the book, something bad happens.

So I surrounded it with a pool of oil so the brats can't get to it. They would need to learn to walk on water, which was a skill only ninjas know.

NINJAS. Not civilians.

Entry 26

No sign of twin brats.

...

I'm getting paranoid.

...

Hey, you! Wait! W- STOP! NOOOOOOOO!

...

The brats set fire to the oil.

The book was now ashes.

The ONLY good thing was, the Akatsuki saw the smoke and came to the scene, I could only hope that something horrible happen to the brats.

And now, I have to explain to Pein where I have been.

"Tobi was only camping with his friends... Tobi was sorry!" I watched as Pein death-glared the brats.

Hah, serves them right!

"Itachi, take them in and extract information from them." Pein ordered.

I'm so happy right now I could hug him!

"Can you show Tobi the book again?" I asked them as innocently as possible, "Tobi don't understand what those men and women are doing in there."

Yes, I did that on purpose. And now the entire Akatsuki are glaring at the pair of brats.

OH YEAH, I just love being evil.

Entry 27

Itachi came back and informed us that he had gotten some interesting facts.

One, the brats are from another world where we are only fictional characters.

Two, there are more books there that are just like the ones they burned. Probably why they did that if they knew they could just get another one.

Three, they knew how to go back to their world, and the portal thingy will be ready tomorrow.

Well, I'm off!

Entry 28

It's ready.

The thing looks pretty unstable, as if it would close at any moment and leave us stranded in limbo. But the brats are with us and they wouldn't just kill themselves.

So yeah, this was safe.

Kisame's getting portal-sick (like car-sick or sea-sick, but only with portals)

We had to use force to restrain Deidara so he wouldn't blow something up and unstabilize this portal.

Now, the light at the end of the tunnel had appeared, and I don't know when, if ever, would we ever return to our world.

Sayornara, Elemental Nations.


	6. Theatre and Arrested

Entry 29

This world is amazing!

The technology, the stores, the...Everything!

It's just, I can't describe it, but it's...just...

Wow.

...

Anyways, we were making our way down the street to search for the twin brats that ran away earlier, when we saw ourselves walking in the opposite direction.

"Leader-sama? Why is Tobi seeing another Tobi and another Deidara-senpai?"

A few people had came up to us and praise our 'costume' and how 'realistically' it looked.

"Look, I don't know what you shitty civilians are doing, but we are the f*cking Akatsuki, and I will kill you for impersonating us!" trust Hidan and his big mouth.

It's why we're being chased by fangirls at the moment.

...

Damn, they sure are persistent.

All of us, the entire Akatsuki, are hiding in a tree.

Don't worry, it's a big tree.

But below us is a squealing mass of fangirls, intent of dragging us off.

I am reminded of the Puffle Attack.

Entry 30

Tella-vizon (is that how those people are calling it?) is a very terrifying thing. I don't want to know how they stuff all those people inside a black little box half my size.

What is scarier is that the people inside are not resisting. Maube there's a kind of jutsu that made them think they're not being observed through a little cube?

And don't get me started on what happened this afternoon.

"Senpai! This white thing - it looks like a bowl!"

"Looks like one of my art, un."

"Tobi sees water inside."

"Is it a well?

"Tobi should get some water out for Leader-sama!"

There was a gasp as the door opened. Earlier, we snuck into a random house to search for food and water. We came into a small, white room with a bowl-like thing with a lid.

"WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING IN MY BATHROOM!"

Oh, look, it's that female brat.

Entry 31

She started laughing when we mentioned the bowl thing.

It turns out the 'bowl' was actually the toilet.

Technology is really advanced in this world, if even the toilet is this fancy.

The other brat came in, stared at us, and ran away screaming.

Hahaha.

...

Brought the Akatsuki over to the brat's house.

"Erm, our name is -" I tuned out as they were talking about the unimportant things. Who cares if a couple of OCs need names?

Whoops, broke the fourth wall here.

Repair-the-wall-no-jutsu!

Tobi did it! Yay!

Huh?

"Tobi, what are you doing?"

"N-nothing, Leader-sama!"

Entry 32

Now that we got some rest, we started to interrogate the brats. Again.

Aren't we the meanest guests ever?

Anywyas, it went like this:

"What do you know about the future?

"Um, you have to be more specific..."

"Did Mad- erm MY plan to catch the Jinchuuriki succeed?"

"..." they glanced at me, "no comment."

I bounced in my seat, "Tell Tobi, pleeeeeeeese!" I chirped with a sharingan-enhanced puppy-dog look.

They instantly melted.

"Awww, Tobi-kun!" the girl brat cooed, patting my head.

"Tobi's a good boy!"

"Ahem," Pein coughed, "We would only be staying here for a week, and would do no damage to your world. You have my words as the leader. Now, could you tell us...?" he prompted.

"Okay," the male brat sighed, "You succeeded in capturing each jinchuuriki except for Naruto and Killer Bee."

"You mean the nine and eight tails?"

"Yeah, basically. But most of you died in the process."

"Who?" Itachi asked solemnly. Everyone seemed to bee sitting a bit straighter.

"Sasori, Itachi, Hidan, Kakuzu, Kisame, Deidara, Pein, Konan... Just about everyone."

We all stiffened, but I noticed my name wasn't on that list. Neither was Zetsu's.

"How did we all die, un?" Deidara demanded, "Did I die gloriously? With a bang?"

"Sasuke..." Itachi murmured, his eyes cast downward.

"Someone managed to kill Hidan before I do?" Kakuzu asked in disbelief.

"Tobi noticed that Tobi and Zetsu isn't on the list," I pointed out. Everyone went silent.

"He's right," Sasori noted, "What happened to them?"

"Zetsu had thousands of clones that it's impossible to figure which was the real one to kill, and Tobi's..." the brat trailed off after seeing my glare.

"Tobi's...?" I prompted, my voice dripping with false sweetness that made even Kisame shiver.

"T-tobi's lucky, that's all." he stammered.

"Lucky~?" How dare they say all my accomplishments are a FLUKE?

I turned my sharingan into Mangekyou, and they panicked even more.

"I- eh- ah-"

"Tobi," Pein interrupted us, "Don't harass our hosts."

Hosts? More like a spoilt pair of kids barely out of their nappies.

"Tobi's sorry," I told them.

Yeah, right.

Entry 33

Went to what they call a 'movie theatre'.

It's a place with a lot of people and a HUGE screen with people trapped inside. It's kind of like that Tella-vizon thing I mentioned a few entries ago.

This time, the people are big instead of small.

Seriously, I wonder how they never knew they're a big sheet of white CLOTH!

They kiss and adventure and even looked us in the eye, but never acknowleging the fact that they're stretched big (that's got to be uncomfortable) and in situations that just screamed 'cliché!

This needs further investigation.

...

The movie's over and I've confided in Pein, the only person besides Konan who knew me behind my Tobi persona.

Hey, Tobi isn't a persona! Tobi's Tobi!

There we go again, but at least it's not a problem anymore.

RIGHT, Tobi?

Yes, Madara-san!

So, Pein, Tobi and I are off to investigate and free the people from the huge plastic sheets!

Oh, and about Tobi? Well he's a split personality of mine. I've now made a shadow clone so he could help Pein and I out.

Pein's giving us the weird look right now, best to look away and move on...

Entry 34

Yesterday was busy, so here's what happened.

"Tobi, distract them."

"Yosh!" he dashed of, dragging the Akatsuki with him.

I motioned Pein this way, and decided to take off my mask since I'm not Tobi anymore.

Bye-bye mask!

We camoflauged ouselves (henge jutsu to make us look invisible) and crept inside.

The screen was black, but those guys gotta be in there, right?

"Let's cut it open."

"What if it hurts them?"

"Well, I'm sure they would die than be trapped in a sheet for entertainment of others."

"...Fine."

I picked up my scythe and war fan. The blade tore through the screen, tearing it in half.

The remaining people in the theatre gasped as the screen seemingly split in half. Some even screamed, believing it was a terrorist attack.

The guys face was split in half, but he kept talking like it was no matter.

Whatever they do to him, it must be so potent that he didn't notice that his head was SPLIT APART. By the way, that should've killed him.

"What do we do now?" Pein whispered to me.

"This person is like Hidan," I noted, looking at the still-talking man on the screen, "Let's recruit him."

So we searched the place for any entrance into that person's world. Later, Tobi joined us, and the Akatsuki were back in the brat twins' house.

"Tobi discovers another room!"

"It's locked..."

"Shinra Tensei!" the wooden door instantly shattered. The force was so strong that it scattered paper everywhere.

I snickered, someone's going to have a ton of cleaning to do...

The alarms started blaring and the theatre was going undet lockdown.

Sadly, we had not made it out.

So yeah, we're hiding this entire night from the police.

And

Entry 35

Darn.

Stupid dogs for sniffing us out.

Stupid Pein not concealing his scent properly.

Stupid Tobi for running and leaving us here.

Stupid me for not putting away my scythe.

Stupid police for sending us to prision.

Sigh...


	7. Alias and Irony

Entry 36

Guess what?

Tobi broke us out.

He brought the rest of the Akatsuki with him, which requires me to put an eye-patch over my Rin'negan eye, and change both my name and my hair style.

I'm 'Harcha Diamau' for now, an anagram of 'Uchiha Madara'.

The others are suspicious of me, but that's reasonable. They didn't know anything about me except for my name.

"Don't worry!" Tobi chirped happily, "Tobi and Diamau-san are friends!"

And it was then I gleefully realized: I don't have to o the Tobi act anymore!

It would take a while for the Akatsuki to get used to my prescence, but I've got time. Lots of it,

Entry 37

"You seem kinda familiar, un." Deidara remarked in the brat's house.

I laughed nervously, "maybe you seen me somewhere in the Bingo Book?"

"Could be, un," he shrugged, and left it like that.

Whew.

Entry 38

There was an emergency meeting. Not the Akatsuki, but the annual villain meeting a few weeks ago.

Problem is, we are in this world, so we can't go. But the meeting is mandatory.

Good thing we got those rings.

Ya see, Akatsuki rings are special. They can project a hologram of you t a place where a certain seal is placed. Kinda similar to the Hirashin.

So we can attend the meeting via holograms!

Last time there wasn't anything interesting, we just chatted and and drink a few bottles of alcohol.

You haven't seen us for real, yet.

Entry 39

The meeting's a few days away. Even though it's an emergency, we are to wait a few days.

It's so that people from universes that are further away (or just not as advanced in technology) could have the time to get there.

Us? We, using the rings, can get there instantly. So we still have three days left.

Entry 40

Two days left.

It's going to be on the 42nd entry.

Isn't that ironic?

Entry 41

One day left.

We told the brats that we would kill them if anything happens to us while we're in the meditative state.

As for why I found the number 42 funny?

Figure out the Answer yourself.

That's a hint, everyone.

Entry 42

The day has come!

We are sitting in a chair. Many are eying me curiously, trying to figure out if I'm a new member, the real Madara (besides Tobi), or Tobi with a clone.

It was Naraku who first spoke up.

"Everyone," he said, "I have called you all here today because of strange happenings near my corners of the world."

Light Yagami nodded, "Mine, too."

"We believe that a group of rogue villains are out to slay all the good guys in thr universe," Naraku continued, wrinkling his nose, "and believe it or not - they ars succeeding."

There are quiet murmurs in the room as many shifted, unsettled.

"We are not going to take this sitting down." Voldemort hissed.

"Ichigo Kurosaki is MINE to kill..." Aizen muttered.

"Pein, would Kyuubi be unable to be extracted from a dead body?" I asked.

He nodded, "If Uzumaki dies, then the Moon Eye Plan is useless."

I growled angrily, "They're dead."

"But how are going to locate them?" somebody asked from the crowd.

"I'm sure each universes has their own tricks." Aizen said lazily, "Who here can accomplish that?"

There are a few hands at this.

"We need to elect a leader as well," Blackbeard (the one from One Piece) said greedily.

"Oh, no you're not." I snapped. All heads turned towards me.

"I refuse to work under someone like you." I said curtly.

"Who do you think deserves to lead us, then?" Naraku asked.

"Someone charming," I pondered, "we are working together right now, so we can't have somebody who sends their minions to die all the time. But not somebody who works alone, or they wouldn't have the ability to rule an army. Someone responsible, intelligent, and unafraid of death." I concluded.

Many people frowned. My expectations are high, and I'm sure nobody in this room can match the criteria.

"In that case..." Naraku said slowly. "Diamau-san, I believe I knew who you are talking about."

"You do?!" I asked in disbelief. I'm not even referring to anyone!

"Yes, the obvious leader is..." what happens next made the Akatsuki's and my jaws drop.

"Uchiha Madara." Naraku said, placing a hand on Tobi's shoulder.


	8. Week 8

Entry 43

We're back from the meeting, and I think my brain's fried half way through it.

I think I'll laugh hysterically on my bed about the irony of it all.

I don't know what to THINK about being under TOBI'S command, while everybody else thought him as ME.

The rest of the Akatsuki are shocked, too, but with different reasons than mine. (well, duh, if they didn't know my real identity earlier on)

Pein's drowning himself with sake, Deidara's shaking Tobi like a rattle toy while demanding answers, and so on...

...

Night time already, had to come up with battle plans.

Tobi came to me for advice. He may have my mind and memories, but he's still a child at heart.

I'm thinking of the comic I read earlier, about a man who was bitten by a radioactive spider and then becoming a masked superhero.

I suppose if I do...hmm...

...

I'm going to help Tobi with the battle plans, and then give him tips to act as much like me as possible.

Funny how we found our roles reversed after so many years of being 'Tobi'.

And in important meetings, I will go instead of Tobi, dispelling him so he could come along in my head, then I will make a shadow clone of myself (Diamau) in the base.

Yeah, just your friendly neighbourhood spid-, um, Uchiha.

Get the reference?

Entry 44

Nothing but stratagy, meetings, and paperwork.

No important things except Tobi babysitting the brats.

Entry 45

Another meeting, this time a small scouting squad would be dispatched.

They are small in numbers, but are chosen specially so that they would cover each other's weaknesses.

We've got a mid-range fighter, a guy with a sword, a long range fighter, and someone intelligent.

No, I am not giving out names or any enemy who reads this will know our battle plans.

Speaking of which, I've been wondering what the others are writing in their diary... Perhaps I should go have a peek?

Nah.

Maybe after this blows over.

Entry 46

No news, so might as well explore this world more.

After the theatre, I'm being more cautious this time.

Besides, what kind of leader would I be if I keep landing myself in jail?

...

So this is a 'Mall'.

Time to see what's so special about it.

Entry 47

Was swarmed by fangirls at the mall yesterday. Not a pleasant experience.

So now I had to buy some new clothes, since it was shredded so badly that nothing was left but my boxers ( and I wouldn't even have that had I not used a genjutsu distraction).

I can only get a new Akatsuki cloak once I get back to my own world, but I don't want to parade aroud half-naked before that.

Fanservices. Ugh.

...

"What happened to you?" a (thankfully) male cashier asked me when I bought my clothes."

"Fangirls."

"Ooh," he winced sympathetically, "I know your pain, man."

It's good to know that there are still decent people in the world.

Entry 48

Seen a shadow lurking near the alley.

It's following me!

Gotta go!

Entry 49

What happened yesterday will be kept a secret, sadly.

Writing all this down in my diary is kind of risky, especially if somebody decides to read it.

I'll give ya a clue, though, so you don't have to wait a looooong time for the answers.

It's another group! (like how we have a group of villains, a group of heroes, and a group of rogue villains.) it's a new group that would be introduced next time, so ya gotta be patient.


	9. Yaoi fangirls and Detectives

Entry 50

Okay, meeting again today.

I (as Tobi) introduced our new allies to the Annual Villain Meeting.

It's the Detectives!

Unlike the 'Heroes Brigade' (as they are calling themselves), detectives aren't nessicarily 'the good guys'.

So Naraku and I (he used to be the leader of AVM, and just gave me the position TEMPORARILY, so after this fiasco, he's resuming leader position.)

Anyways, I should explain the AVM more closely.

Every five years there's a vote on the leaders. It's nothing really exciting, just that you're in charge of what topics to discuss. Not much responsibility or paperwork.

We have a council, too, with most of the popular villains. I'm part of it, along with many others. One represenitive from a universe only.

The council gets to vote, like on who gets to be the next leader, who's organization is the most badass, their plans, stuff like that...

I'm not sure how the detectives manage, but hopefully no fights will erupt.

Unlike that one AVM ... Where Sebastian Michaelis brought some 'special alcohol' to the meeting and got everybody drunk.

The result? Well, it's considered taboo now to even mention what kind of 'poison' it was and what it did.

Thankfully it's not the-

Gotta stop writing now. The meeting's starting.

Entry 51

Today there's nothing important happening, so here's a recap of yesterday:

"Did the rogues kill anyone in your universe?" Naraku asked them.

"Not yet. Who did they kill in yours?"

"It was that dog demon I've been wasting countless resources to kill, and they just step on and done it so easily! You have no idea how humiliating it was!"

"I think I can relate." the teenage detective nodded, "I've been chasing a criminal for years, and he's always one step ahead of me! Then my sucessor just comes in and defeated him"

"Who was it? I think we may have him around here?"

"Right," the boy nodded, "I'm looking for Kira. Ever heard of him?"

In the crowd, Light began to edge away steadily.

Naraku looked straight at him and gave an evil smirk.

"Why, Light, I didn't know you have another name!" he smirked. Light sweated bullets.

"Tobi thinks we need all the help we could get!" I pipes up, "So can L-san pleae arrest Light-san later?"

He agreed and the conversatin after that got so boring I sstopped listening.

...

I'm bored, bored, bored.

...

Is that a bottle of Catnip Tequila?"

Entry 52

Ugh...

Had no memory of yesterday afternoon. Woke up with a big hangover and no clothes with everybody staring at me with fright.

Ah, I remember what Catnip Tequila does now.

It was the cause of that tabooed incident I was talking about earlier. Sebastian brought a couple bottles of catnip-laced tequila, said it was the strongest alcohol ever known to mankind.

Demon metabolism is pretty fast, so people like Naraku and Sebastian got off EASY. The rest of us?

Our entire night had been taped by those two and now they have blackmail on us.

...

I don't want to know whose bed I'm in now.

Entry 53

Catnip Tequila? What on earth are you talking about?

...

You aren't falling for that, huh?

Well, it was worth a try.

Yesterday, without looking at the person sleeping beside me or the room, I snuck out and back to my own room.

I dread the morning.

Entry 54

It was Kakuzu.

*shudders*

The AVM room is where they hang around lately, so I don't think I'm going to be noticed if I sneak outside.

"Hello there Deidara!"

"Yes, un?"

"I'm bored, want to go outside?"

A shrug.

I'll take that as a 'yes'.

...

Fangirls AGAIN?!

And worse... They are Yaoi fans.

Run!

They are shrieking after us.

"MADARAAAAA DO US A FAVOR AND KISS NARUTO ALREADY!"

"W-what?" I spluttered, "I don't like men that way!"

"BUT HE'S PERFECT FOR YOU! AND IT'S OBVIOUS THE REAL REASON YOU WANT TO KIDNAP HIM IS BECAUSE YOU LOVE HIM!"

"Just ignore them, Diamau-san," Deidara said, "They're obviously crazy. Tobi's still at the base, and he obviously didn't want to do 'things' with the Nine-tails!"

I nodded vigorously, "Yes senpai!"

"Senpai?" he looked at me suspiciously. Opps, I slipped up.

"Um," I coughed nervously, "I'm the newest member, so you are all my seniors."

"Even Tobi?"

"Even Tobi."

"Even Tobi?!"

"Yes."

"Even Tobi?!"

"...Fine, he's not." I snapped. Deidara could be so annoying some times.

Entry 55

The scouting team had returned and reported that the Rogues are somewhere in the more isolated universes.

So, the week after the next (around entry 64 or so), we would be on the move and tracking them down.

Why need a week? Well, the scouting team is exhausted and we need as much rest as possible.

The next week would be training, sleeping, and no meetings! Yay!

Entry 56

Tobi and I went to bug the twins today.

Twins, you know? Those brats that apparently knew the future to our world?

I know that the sudden appearance of 'Diamau' is unexpected, as they dropped their all-knowing-smug-act around me and looked confused the first time I appeared.

I'm the wild card, and the one they can't predict. I plan on using that to my advantage.

"Tobi, pass me the hose."

"Hai!"

"Hn. The pipes are majorly different to the ones in our world... But this could work if...?"

"Madara-san?"

"Be quiet, Tobi. Someone might hear. Now, be a good boy and pass me that can over there, alright?"

"Tobi is a good boy!"

There was a sloshing sound and an evil chuckle could be heard.


	10. Getting High

Entry 57

"DIAAAAAAMAUUUUUU!" there was a splash, then a crash.

Wow, I would have thought it would happen in last night, but this is better.

The Akatsuki had awoke from the noise and we all came to the bathroom to see what's going on.

The male brag was covered in multi-colored paint from head to toe. He was in the showers, so he wasn't wearing anything.

I quickly covered Tobi's eye. Poor kid's too young to see something like this.

"What makes you think I did this?" I asked amusedly.

He scowled, "I still don't trust you, you know."

"I find the fact you actually trust S-rank criminals to be ridiculous." I scoffed.

"No, but I did remember that when the Akatsuki went through the portal, you weren't there."

"Aha! So you do know more about us that you let on!" I exclaimed triumphantly.

"Guys,' Pein stepped between us and interrupting our battle of wits, "Diamau is my... Friend (I was the only one to notice the slight hesitation in there), and I t-trust him."

"I'm sure the Akatsuki had never seen him before."

"Tobi knows! Tobi has seen Diamau-san before!" he chirped.

"There you go," I said, "now you have to explain what you knew about us."

"I think YOU're Uchiha Madara." he accused.

I snorted. "No, Tobi is, according to Naraku-san."

"No! That-" he pointed at Tobi "- is different from the Tobi we encountered in the forest!"

"And what, are you two doing in a secluded forest?" I asked sweetly, watching as the brat dug himself deeper in the hole. Figuratively.

"I-..." he fell silent, knowing that he would just be in more trouble if he continue.

Then, the female brat walked in and saw her brother naked and covered in paint..

"GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" she shrieked, and bolted.

Madara: 9

The brats: 4

Heh, they've only got that four points during the time we're lost. But obviously I'm victorious!

BWAHAHAHAHA!

Entry 58

Spent the day napping. Ahhhhhh...

The sun is so warm, I just feel too lazy to move.

Entry 59

Found myself in the hospital.

I was ATTEMPTING to train, but a random passerby thought I was trying to kill myself.

Had to wait for Tobi to bail me out again.

Entry 60

Toooooobi! Hurrrry uuuuup!

The (hic) doctors are (hic) convinced that I'm (hic) suicidal, and had now (hic) drugged me (hic) up to prevent (hic) me causing (hic) more damage to my (hic) self.

Daaaaaaaamn, now I can't m-

Wait. If I can't move, then how am I writing this?

Heh.

Hahaha.

Ho-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HA

-AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA... Ahem.

I (hic hic) think I'm high right now.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA H-

Entry 61

Tobi FINALLY came, and that was after my psychotic episode.

After reading it, I am ASHAMED of Entry 60.

It didn't help that the doctors got security cameras, and mailed them to my 'guardians' . Which happens to be the Akatsuki.

...

I think I'll go die in a hole.

Entry 62

Still hadn't come out from my room.

Hungry.

I swear I could hear myself laughing- no, that was Pein watching the video over andover and over again.

I need to go to the toilet, but I'm afraid to look outside.

Entry 63

Got a message from my cell phone. From Naraku.

We're moving out tomorrow, which was great news.

It means that I could be Tobi and come out to eat FOOD! And a shadow clone don't really need to eat (which was why Tobi had manage to avoid taking off his mask up to now).

But it's tomorrow.

...

My stomach's killing meeeeee...


	11. Tracking them Down

Entry 64

SALVATION!

I had never been this glad to be Tobi before!

Really? Madara-san means it? Tobi's very glad!

...but the return of the voice in my head is annoying.

Hn. A voice in my head. Perhaps the doctor wasn't that wrong when he said I'm mentally unstable.

No! Madara-san isn't men-tally un-stay-ble!

Just look at you, Tobi. You're a split personality. Admit it: we're both insane.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Hey, if it makes you feel better, I'm insane too!

*sniff snif* M-madara-san's right... *sniff*

...

After sorting out that little problem, I have boarded a capsule-like thing that would take me to that universe.

Universe #2417270.

...

Wait...

THAT'S OUR UNIVERSE!

Entry 65

I am looking over the pictures and descriptions of the rouge villains right now.

I'm informed that they are extremely powerful, having taken down the heroes in Naraku's universe so easily.

At least we tracked them down before they ruin MY universe as well!

That Kyuubi brat is mine!

Entry 66

I found a trail.

They were staying at a hotel in Kusagakure to gather info.

Now they are moving steadily towards Konoha.

Entry 67

I have seen them from the distance.

There are four of them, three men and one woman.

One is blond and short enough to be mistaken as a kid.

The woman has wavy red hair in a pony-tail. She's a teenager.

Another one has black hair and a scythe strapped on his back. Though he was very feminine and could be mistaken as a girl, his scent says otherwise.

The last one had strange markings on his face. Tribal tattoos? He had animal ears and a tail too.

That's all for now.

Entry 68

They notice that they are being followed, but they aren't doing anything.

One more day left until we approach Konoha.

Entry 69

Wha-

Entry 70

Hi, dattabayo.

Found this diary on the ground!

Last month, I saw Sasuke writing in a diary that looks juat like this one!

Well, I can't lose, so I'll write in one too.

Besides, I didn't see anyone else around, so they must hsve abandoned it. Maybe thinking it was 'girly' or 'childish'.

I didn't bother to read the entries before this. The owner deserves some privacy, right?

Well, Kakashi-sensei sais that we'll begin the Chuunin Exams next month! That's so exciting!

-insert smiley face-

I will become Hokage, Dattebayo!

-from Uzumaki Naruto, future Godaime Hokage!


	12. Naruto's diary

Entry 71

Hi!

Sorry I didn't introduce myself last time, but I'm Uzumaki Naruto, and I will be the leader of Konoha!

I like ramen, Sakura-chan, Old-man Hokage, the Yondaime Hokage, and learning new jutsu!

I don't like Sasuke-teme (arrogant asshole), the three minutes it takes for ramen to cook, Kakashi-sensei's books, and Sakura-chan hitting me.

I swear, she'll crack my brain open one day.

Until next time~!

Entry 72

Got a boring ol' D-rank mission again. We had to cook a feast for a Hyuuga clan party!

I wish I had a family so we could celebrate like that...

I'm so jealous.

Entry 73

Kakashi-sensei said we have a day-off today!

Yay!

Went to ask Sakura-chan out for lunch. Got rejected.

Sigh...

Sometimes I think it's not worth it.

Entry 74

How long until Chuunin exam?!

...

Awww, still a month...

Entry 75

I really hope the owner of this diary comes to pick it up soon! This is getting boring!

I wonder if Sasuke still writes in that diary. Maybe he's still ranting his 'woes' to the poor thing.

I once had to sit through his rant, and I think that the guy's beyond saving.

...

Went to predict my future today!

It's in my fortune-cookie that Old-man Hokage gave to me!

"Your closest friend will leave you shortly after a fateful encounter. A man in black will come and take away the outlet of your feelings."

Entry 76

Huh? Who's that? It's some guy in a black cloak with red clouds! He's covered in blood!

I'll tell Kakashi-sensei to get help.

...

Oi! That's my diary you-

Entry 77

Whew, it's been a WEEK!

No time, gotta go back to the brat's world before those Konoha bastards (and diary-thieves) come back.

Uwaaaaah, Tobi is sleeeeepy...

Tobi! Don't go to sleep!

Anyways, I'm going back and rest. Hopefully I'll be alive to explain this all tomorrow.


	13. Diamau's Diary

Entry 78

I am worried.

The Boss left me here a week ago on some kinda mission while being Tobi, I know as much from his memories up to then.

But it's been a WEEK!

Now he comes back all bloodied and exhausted, and what am I supposed to think?

He's still sleeping, and I'm getting impatient.

...

I think I'm the oldest living shadow clone in history.

Entry 79

Nope, Boss is still asleep. It's Diamau here!

I found some interesting books today, the ones that oss had wanted to read.

Am I going to tell him what it's about? No way.

I am saving this for future negotiation material.

Entry 80

Boredboredboredborednored...

Maybe I'll go bother Hidan or something, but he'll just 'kill' me. Then I'll puff away and they'll know I'm a shadow clone.

I'm not gonna put Boss in any more 'weird situations', considering the last one was... Embarrassing to say the least.

...

Nope, still not takin' that risk. Even if it means merging back with him and getting his memories.

Entry 81

Oh shit, they're going to take Boss's diary to look for clues on the last week!

And stupid me, I forgot to look at last page for clues! *repeatedly slam head on desk*

POOF

Uh Oh...

Entry 82

Greetings.

This is Madara speaking, I'm up now.

I guess my clone dispelling is enough of a jolt to wake me up.

...

I've been reading the entries on the past week that the Kyuubi Brat had wrote in here.

That man in black from the fortune cookie is OBVIOUSLY talking about me. How can he not realize that?

Oh, right, he didn't know me.

*awkward silence*

Hey Boss~ you still here?

Diamau?!

Entry 83

Note to self: never leave clones alive for this long again.

I had developed yet ANOTHER split personality!

Tobi likes Diamau-san!

That's nice of you, Tobi~

ARRRRAGH! Why did every alias I come up with ended up coming to life?

Because we're awesome~

Tobi agrees!

*groan*

Entry 84

Whoops.

Forgot AGAIN to explain myself to what had happened during my investigation.

Y'see, when I was nearing the four rogue villians, the black one turned around to suddenly clash with me.

Four against one, and they're all insanely strong.

I think the woman's using some kind of genjutsu, 'cause things started to slow down after she started to play on a piccolo.

The shortie, can use a LOT of knives at once, like a little spiky spiky porkipine.

The blackie uses a scythe like myself, though his was longer and had no war-fan attached.

The one with the animal ears and tail? Just guess.

So after a bit of four-on-one (which was totally unfair), I learned some crucial -and horrifying - information.

They are Mary and Gary Sues.

They all had the abilities to have other people's powers one they drink their blood.

No wonder that guy had animal attributes, he must have gotten them from Naraku's universe!

So after I was... Yeah, you know what happened, it bruised my pride to admit it, so I would not repeat.

Ah, you can be so cute sometimes, Boss~

DIAMAU!

Hehehe~!

...

Ahem, so for the next week, I was running from hunter nins, and trying to reach Konoha.

I'm proud to say that they are just as injured as I was, so they held off coming after him.

So they'll heal first before coming after the Kyuubi again, plenty of tome for Naraku to assemble our army.

But I'm afraid I have to sit this one out. Those Sues have mysterious powers, and obviously accelerated healing is one of that. They'll heal before I do, and that puts me to a disadvantage.

But I battled them before, so now we knew what to expect.

We will send an elite team from all three of our groups (Hero brigade, AVM, detectives)

Problem is, there's four of them.

Well, I guess the last person would be me.


	14. Internet and Random Facts

Entry 85

Um, Boss?

What is it, Diamau?

You know that book you kept trying to read?

The ones that the brats burnt? Yeah.

Well, it turns out that they can also be viewed online. It follows the life of the Kyuubi Jinchuuriki, and a ton of interesting stuff about us, like the recent chapter where-

Wait, what the hell is 'a-line'? We can't read books on a line!

*eye roll* Stop playing dumb, Boss. It's also know known as the Internet.

In a net?

NO!

What is it, then?

Network? Websites? C'mon! I'm your freakin' clone! You should know something like this!

But I don't. And you could always pass over what you learned to my corner of the brain.

Nuh uh. You gotta figure it out by yourself.

So... Where could I see this thing that's on a line and in a net?

*muffled snicker* Oh I've gotta remember to tell this to the other clones...

What other clones?

Oh, uh, nothin' worth worrying about.

Humph.

Entry 86

Got quite a few get-well gifts.

Kakuzu gave me a penny (which was pretty expensive for him).

Hidan gave me a Jashin-necklace (Don't tell him, but I've burned it with Amaterasu. I am the ONLY god the world needs!)

Pein gave me another diary, in case this one runs out of pages (which it would by entry 100.)

Konan gave me a paper flower and an instruction on how to fold origami.

Tobi gave me (er... Gave himself?) a huge lolipop. (it was as LARGE as my HEAD!)

Diamau give me that video tape of my time at the hospital (that sneaky little...)

Kisame gave me a fishing rod.

Itachi simply gave me a camera and told me to form an album of funny pictures to give to his brother (Oi! Isn't it MINE?!)

Zetsu patted my head, and gave me a pot of... Is that WEED?! (My precious minion has been corrupted by this world!)

And that's all.

Entry 87

Today, some of the AVM gave me stuff.

Light gave me a piece of the Death Note (enough space to write a single name), when I promised to keep L away from him.

Naraku gave me, as a thanks for risking my life, a cursed necklace. It would drag the victim to the ground when a word was spoken. (I have decided to place it on Pein. The commanding word is 'Jinchuuriki'

Sebastian gave me another bottle of Catnip Tequila. (even though the result is horrifying, Catnip Tequila is just...mmmm...heavenly...)

That's all.

Entry 88

Gifts AGAIN?! What is this, the twelve days of Christmas or something?

It's from my fangirls this time.

There are letters with love-potion-laced candies, chocolates, weird clothes, and inappropriate stuff I'm not allowed to talk about (Tobi is always reading my entries and I don't want to give him The Talk yet.)

On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me~!

Stop it, Diamau. Stop taunting me.

Entry 89

Another meeting.

This time, the team is decided.

L, from the detectives.

Naraku, from AVM

Ichigo Kurosaki, from the Hero Birgade.

And of course, there's me.

Not many people were happy about there being two people in our group, but oh well. I don't really care.

We'll be heading out next week or so.

Entry 90

Random fact: Zetsubou means 'despair.

I told that to Zetsu, and he grinned.

I bet he's off to go chat with Ulquiorra?

Very interesting.

Random fact 2: kirakira means 'sparkle'

I told that to Light, and he's writing Tobi's name down in the Death Note.

TO BAD FOR HIM TOBI'S NOT REAL!

But now I must keep my real name a secret to him. And hope that Naraku doesn't address me as Madara.

Or maybe Light would get over that? Perhaps not.

Random fact 3: 'Yasha' means female demon.

So Inuyasha means 'female demon dog'.

Told that to Naraku and he laughed.

Random fact 4: (I am starting to be afraid of random facts) Light's name could also be read as 'moon'. And if you spell his lastname backwards, you'll see something funny.

Yagami Light Light could be 'I'm a gay moon light'.

When I told him that, he chased me around the AVM room while trying to kill me.

L just watches on in amusement.

Entry 91

Tomorrow we will be going to my dimension to kill these Sues!

We will not capture them because prison breakout scenes are so overused that it's guaranteed to happen.

But for now, I am hiding from Light because of RF2 and 4.

Naraku agreed (along with the others at AVM that actually knew who I am) not to spill my real name. They need their leader alive and intact after all.

Though I'm a bit annoyed because that's the only reason they want me alive.

After this, I will gather the remaining bijuus so I could be the jinchuuriki of Juubi! That way, I'm not technically 'human' anymore so the Death Note wouldn't be able to kill me!

Of course, Light could think ahead of that, but then I have both L and Aizen on my side, so that shouldn't be a problem.

Are ninjas human? I don't want to test it out by dying.

Ja ne.


	15. Dinosaurs

Entry 99

Whoa.

I knew I haven't been counting, but this is entry 99!

Next entry is the 100th entry!

...

Let me tell you more about this place we landed into.

It looks like a forest, a jungle more like.

Beside me I can't see anyone. The Akatsuki and the Brat's chakra could still be sensed, scattered around faintly.

It's actually scary to be in here all alone, and even their chakra signatures didn't comfort me.

Aww... Wittle Boss is so cute~!

Tobi will be with Madara-san!

And then the two of them just appeared. By themselves.

...

Night is approaching, and we are hungry.

Sure, three are fruits and such around here, but we don't know what is poisonous and what was not.

After the fifteenth poisoned clone, we have given up searching. My stomach still churned at all those memories of dying in an unpleasant way,

Diamau suggest that we eat the animals, or watch them eat the fruits so that we know which ones are safe to eat.

And this turned to a competition, in which I won, ofcourse.

Used fireball technique to roast tiger meat, and eat something that looks like peaches but taste weird.

Entry 100

It's the 100th entry!

Too bad we have nothing to celebrate, as we're still in this jungle.

Y'know, I am having deja vu of the last time I have gotten lost. In a place with many trees. With people that are just too annoying and loud.

Hm, wonder how the brats are doing...?

As much as I want them to die (for denying me AGAIN of my precious books on my future), I still need them to get home because they're the only ones who can create the portal.

That's a bit cold, Boss...

'tis better to be honest.

Entry 101

Found by Deidara and Pein. They were scouting the jungle by his clay birds, but since the trees are so thick and all the water vapor around, it's hard to find anybody.

A roar suddenly rend the air and we froze.

"Is...is that" Pein stammered.

"Where had these brats got us TO!" I also exclaimed.

We've gone to the prehistoric ages... Where dinosaurs still lived...

Well, if we're here in the past, I guess we now know what made them extinct.

Heh.

Entry 103

Found Sasori and Kakuzu today. They were about to become dinosaur food when we rescued them.

Now we have some food!

But still sign of the others. It's like this jungle never ends.

Entry 104

Didn't find anybody today... Sigh...

Entry 105

It's the brats! I see them! And they were being chased by... A flower?

It's a huge one, and it really was chasing them.

With a swoop, we rode the clay birds and closed in on them. The plant below was snarling angrily and trotting back to a bush.

Very freaky.

...

The brats wanted to go home, but we had to find the rest of the Akatsuki first, and this is one BIG forest!

I'm bored.

Entry 106

What's that smell?

I see a herd of dinosaurs running in one direction, and on one of backs was... Kisame and Hidan.

Kisame's hanging on for dear life, while Hidan just whooped and used his scythe as a prompt for the dinosaur to run faster.

Well, somebody's having fun...

Can we try that too Madara-san?

No, Tobi, you can't.

Aww, Boss, see that cute little dino there? Can we keep it~?

First of all, what does it eat?

Um, it looks like a bird, had four wings out on it's back, and is black. So tiny and kawaii~!

That's an Anchiornis, it eats insects. So if Pein agrees...

Who cares what he thinks? I want my birdie!

I jumped down stealthily to the ground with Diamau taking my place. I used Bansho Ten'in to grab quickly and stuff it inside my pocket, ignoring the agitated sqawk.

There, happy now?

Yup! C'mere, li'l Chio-chan, come to Uncle Diamau!

You can tell it'a gender?

...Nope, but it looks like a girl. It doesn't have the male...part.

Stop talking about it. NOW.

Ouch, the devil bird bit me!

I guess it's not happy about the way I manhandled it.

But I don't think 'Chio-chan' is trouble, comparing to what the fans of cute fuzzy creatures may do to me.

I'm going to hide somewhere.

...

Hang on, I still smell something.

...

Shit.

It's a volcano, and it's about to erupt!


	16. Chio and Unlikely Visitors

Entry 107

Guess who rescued us?

Itachi and Konan, of course.

Konan used earth jutsu to clog up the volcano (paper jutus are considered earth type, so she had that affinity), and Itachi melted down a bunch of rodks to make sure it stays that way.

So the resulting explosion is underground, the world is breaking up to pieces and plants burning, dinosaurs frying alive, general end-of-the-worlds things.

But we're pretty far up in the sky, so we were unharmed.

By the way, Zetsu is still in the brat's universe, and no doubt he' spissed about us leaving him there.

So now we knew why dinosaurs were extinct, how the continents of the world formed, and why birds survived the dinosaur's extinction.

So it's time to head back to the brat's world to drop off the brats and pick up Zetsu, and the. We're going BACK!

Entry 108

The brats shrieked in unison as they read the llatest chapter of my future (which I was still not allowed to read).

"TOBI IS WHO?!"

"Me." I said drily.

Hmm... Their stares at me are now accompanied by confusion.

"Um, Madara, do you know someone named Obito?" the male brat asked nervously.

I shrugged, "A few years back. Little brat wants to be my copy-cat. Taught him a few tricks and gave him a Tobi-mask. Nothing much."

The brats traded glances.

"What?" I demanded irratably. At my side, Chio chirped along.

They suddenly focused on Chio.

"What the hell is THAT!" the female brat shrieked.

I smirked, "Meet Chio, our resident Anchiornis and dinosaur."

Male brat stared, "You took it along with you?!" he asked incredulously.

"Diamu wanted it, and so did Tobi."

"Speaking of which, who IS D-"

"We're going back home," I interrupted him. "Open the portal."

And now, we're on our way back!

...

Cobwebs lined the corners of the base.

Dust is everywhere, and that Biju-extracting statue is sneezing, wisps of biju chakra occasionally escaping it's nose.

Weird.

But for now, I must sleep.

Entry 109

Woken by Chio in the morning.

She was so loud, the rest of the Akatsuki woke up also to see the noise.

I, as Diamau, had to explain about why a baby dinosaur (that looked like a more bird than reptile) is doing inside the base.

Konan had taken an instant liking to it, being a woman and likes cute and fuzzy things. No stereotype.

I think Pein was jealous of the attention Konan had on Chio...

Itachi, strangely, was drawn to it also. He said that the bird reminds him of Sasuke's head.

Heh.

Entry 110

It was a stormy day in Amegakure, I think Pein's mad about something.

...

Ah, I get it. Chio pooped in his coffee.

I do love that bird.

Entry 111

Somebody visited.

No, it's not Orochimaru, he went to Konoha and got his arms amputated. Not voluntarily , of course.

I must applaud the third Hokage.

And why I'm feeling this hatred towards Orochimaru today?

Well, what about the fact that he basically resurrected Hashirama?

I knew that tricky plant bastard (no offense to Zetsu), he probably pretended being sealed and then planted his soul into a nearby tree, then later on resurrect himself using said tree.

Ding Dong.

...

It'a him alright.

Entry 112

The rude bastard invited himself into the Akatsuki, assuming them to be my 'family' and this to be my summer home.

He must have a bad memory, or brain damage due to the Edo Tensei, to conveniently Forget that battle in the valley of the end.

Anyways, Hashirama had taken a liking to Chio instantly. What's with that man and little woodland animals? I seen him sing to a chipmunk once!

So here am I now, still keeping the double act and pretending 'Diamau' (Hashirama thought it's a nickname, so thankfully he didn't reveal anything else on that topic), and Tobi to be different people.

Entry 113

Ding Dong.

Guess what?

We had a lot of unexpected guests for some reason...

And it's Obito this time, he got wind of Hashirama resurrecting himself, and was now going to hunt him down.

And since Hashirama's staying here, the copy-cat stays too.

At least he could pretend to be Tobi so that we ARE actually different people.

I think there's a silver lining in the clouds after all.

And I can't wait to see Konoha's faces when they discovered that their leader had (unknowingly) turned against them with their most powerful enemies.

Ding Dong.

GODAMN IT WHO IS IT THIS TIME!


	17. The Birds and the Bees and Tobi

Entry 114

Obito tried to poison Hashirama's coffee.

It didn't work, of course. With his mokuton ability, any type of poison that had to do with plants (which means nearly all of them) is nullified. He hadn't even noticed it.

Chio, on the other hand, got food poisoning from trying to steal that man's bacon.

Geez, I'm the real Madara Uchiha and even I'm not that persistent.

Entry 115

Boss~!

What is it, Diamau?

Can you let me out? I wanna cuddle Chio-chan!

Tobi wants to too! Tobi wants to meet Obito!

... That might actually be a good idea...

...

So then I introduced Tobi to Obito, and my poor copy-cat was so truamatized, he was hiding under his bed.

"You're doomed!" I cackled, holding up a huge frying pan, "Domed to live in Tobi's shadow! Understand the pressure to act like That-" I pointed to Tobi, who was stuffing himself inside a toilet and pressing the lever, "Is what you have to live up to!"

He sobbed, "I don't want to do this anymore! I want to go back home! See Kakashi again! MOMMY!"

Hashirama, noticing the outburst, came striding over and obliviously giving his enemy (who was probably too emotional to want to kill him right now. Darn, Hashirama's got all the luck...), and hugging him.

"I love you, you love me, we're a great big family..." he sang gently, rocking Obito from side to side.

I have to muffle my snickers as I saw the growing horror in the poor kid's eyes.

This is priceless.

Entry 116

Obito left, sadly. I think he said something about coming back for a New mask later, and drop the Tobi attitude when he started his 'plan', which made no sense at all.

I know he was traumatized about yesterday, and wouldn't be copying us for a while... But he's still bent on taking my title, and acting all 'serious' and un-Tobi-like, which defeats the purpose.

...

More news came, this time on Itachi. Apparently, Sasuke's got a curse seal on his neck, and Itachi's going to check up at him.

Didn't he know his brother currently thought him as a mass murderer and wanted to kill him? Sasuke wouldn't take Itachi's appearance calmly.

I had a bad feeling about this...

Entry 117

They went and did it!

Itachi and Kisame snuck out to Konoha! And when they got back a bit bruised and battered, Kisame mentioned that the reunion didn't go well.

"We were there for... To cat the Kyuubi Jinchuuriki." muttered Itachi as a feeble excuse.

I snorted, "I know that you haven't even touched the Kyuubi brat, and we haven't even started hunting down the first tail yet! The Kyuubi was supposed to be last! What made you go and expose Akatsuki's existence to the world like that, huh? "

Calm down, Boss, you're sounding like a mother-hen.

*snarl* Says the person who cuddles Chio at night like a teddy bird.

Oooh, low blow, boss.

Entry 118

More news came in. The fox brat encountered Orochimaru.

We went there to watch, and we've brought popcorn.

Watching Orochimaru's humiliating beat-down was rather amusing, and I know enough invisibility jutsus that flies kept smacking into us because they didn't know we were there.

Chio kept eating those flies, and I think I've figured out his diet.

She likes fruits, insects, and occasionally rabbits and mice. Perhaps a squirrel or too. But watching Hashirama going hysterical is not a nice scene.

Because I know that THIS is this the man that had won That Battle. And it was embarrasing for me as well to see him like this.

So eventually when the show was over, we quietly packed while trying not to stare at Tsunade's boobs, and, er, cross that line out would you Diamau?

Nope, not until Boss apoligizes. And I have no idea you were straight.

What the hell was that suppose to mean?! The others were staring at it too! They were just...so... jiggly!

HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH-

Diamau, stop laughing.

-AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Entry 119

Groan.

Diamau had reinforced the entry from last night with a marker. Now I can't cross it off or erase it.

Damn you!

You mean "Diamau"~! Heheh

Entry 120

Madara-san, why did everybody stare at Tsunade's jiggly things yesterday?

T-Tobi, I'll tell you later... Um...

Madara-san has got time right now! Tobi want's to know!

*snicker* Boss is in a tight spot right now, isn't he?

Shut up!

And now, Tobi... Um... When a Man and a Woman loves each other very much-

Like Deidara-senpai and Sasori-san?

*choking* No! Not- Ah screw it. Yes, exactly like that. But imagine Deidara as an actual girl with girl parts.

Like that jiggly thing?

Yes, that jiggly thing. Now, when they like each other very much, or just want to have fun... Sometimes they sleep in the same bed.

But what if they bang into each other?

*coughing laugh* Yes, they do 'bang' into each other, which was why they want to sleep in the same bed in the first place.

But doesn't it hurt?

O-only the first time, you'll get used to it after that

Heheh... Nice going there, Boss~

Oh, be quiet, Diamau. So, Tobi, see what I'm holding up right now?

Yup! That's a banana! Tobi's hungry right now!

Um... *going red* d-don't stuff that in your mouth! I still need it to demonstrate! Plus, something's...just... Plain wrong with the scene I'm seeing right now.

Get your mind out of the gutter~

According to the Kyuubi brat, his mind IS the gutter. Besides, that's what today's lesson's going to be about, right?

Madara-san, Tobi want's to know why you're also holding a dounut and not eating it.

Okay, on with the demonstration. Now this, *poke the banana through the doughnut hole* is what happens when they 'bang together'. And chances are, the ... Seed would enter the hole and...

Grow a banana tree?

No, Tobi. It would magically grow a BABY into the female's tummy!

Woooooow...

Boss, just what are you trying to put into that kid's head?

...I dunno, I'm just trying my best to maintain dignity right now.

Sooo, can Madara-san tell Tobi now why people stare at girl's jiggly things?

They're called breasts, and they provide the, um, nutrition for babies to survive because they can't eat solid food. So, um, males, er, look for girls with big ones so they could have a healthy baby!

Yay! It makes sense now! Thanks, Madara-san!

Hahaha...*nervous laughter* no problem.

Boss, know that today you have created a monster.

I know...


	18. Week 18

Entry 121

"What are you so flustered about, Diamau?"

Here I am, in the middle of the Akatsuki meeting, feeling more uncomfortable by the second.

Tobi had apparently got SOMETHING in his head, and is now off trying to prove that Sasori is 'banging' Deidara.

Hashirama's clueless, as usual, not knowing he's in the middle of a meeting of a group dedicated in bringing Konoha's demise.

Deidara, with bad luck, usually had clay stuffed under his shirt so that he could immediately draw upon an emergency. But in the heat, well, the clay reacted, making Deidara's stomach look bigger.

That was all the proof Tobi needs.

"I... Tobi got the Birds and the Bees talk yesterday... Please don't kill me!"

"Well," said Pein while raising an eyebrow, "That probably explains it. Did you use Deidara and Sasori as an example?" he asked in mild amusement as we all watched Tobi poke Deidara's stomach.

"DeidR-senpai's got a baby! Tobi wonders where his jiggly thing it so he could feed it... Oh no, the baby's not going be healthy! I don't know know why Sasori chose someone without jiggly things to have his baby..."

There was a tic mark on Deidara's head, "TOBI!"

"Not a baby?" Tobi asked innocently, "Is it a banana tree then?"

"What? No!"

"Tobi understands, but Deidara-senpai can't hide his growing tummy.. But Deidara-senpai is in denial, maybe because he didn't know he was a girl when Sasori-san banged her..."

"The hell, un!" Deidara finally shouted, "Sasori-no-Danna is not the seme!"

"Ah, you totally admitted it." I laughed, "And by calling him 'Danna', you're falling him your husband!"

The duo fumed as the rest of the Akatsuki just stood there, watching.

"We," Sasori said icily, "are most certainly NOT having intercourse with each oher."

"What's an intercourse?" Tobi asked curiously.

Sasori froze, then glared at me, "Somebody didn't explain everything..."

Entry 122

Things returned to normal after Sasori hitting Tobi's head, making him lose that memory.

So right now, I'm being roped into a scheme that I didn't want to partisipate in.

Pein, Itachi, and I huddled over the roof of the Amegakure tower.

It was so high up there, I could barely see the ground.

Pein's trying to peep on Konan, and was dragged Itachi and I along.

"Three doujutsus are better than one," he had said.

So now we're standing upside-down and sticking to this incredibly high place with only strands of chakra keeping us from a very nasty fall.

Oh, and speaking of which, Itachi's scared of heights.

Ah dear.

So he fell, and I reached out to grab his foot. Then the sudden jolt sent us BOTH hurtling down the sky.

Pein was still too busy looking at Konan to notice.

Finally, when we almost reached the ground, I remembereed Chio, who was still in my pocket. She was not nearly enough to carry anyone, but I can't just let her get squished.

So Chio fluttered away to find the others, and I am now wondering how I manage to keep writing my diary in the air-

Crash.

Entry 123

Ow... Gonna kill Pein.

Entry 124

I think my leg's broken, which was surprisingly the only thing wrong other than the scrapes and bruises.

Itachi wasn't so fortunate.

He hit his head, but because of our ninja endurance (which was probably why we're not dead right now) could only do so much. So he's lost his memory.

By the way, Hashirama brought us flowers, and they were red.

What was WRONG with him? Is he hittng on me?!

Creepy...

Ding dong.

Who is it THIS time?

Ah, yes, I didn't explain the last 'ding-dong'. Well, that just turned out to be the brats doing a ding-dong-dash. You know, those brats from the other world that we thought we had shaken off?

Well, back to the subject. Made Hashirama get the visitor.

"YOU!" looks like it's somebody from Konoha...

Entry 125

Uchiha Sasuke, why am I not surprised?

He looked shellshocked as he followed Hashirama into the living room, probably because the man was humming that Barney song.

"I came here to kill Itachi." He said.

"Well you will just have to wait, diary-thief." I huffed. "He's not in his right mind at the moment."

Sasuke blinked, "What?"

"Itachi recently hit his head, and now he only remembers BEFORE the Uchiha Massacre." I explained.

He gaped. "WHAAAT!"

"Speaking of which, why are you here, I thought you were sleeping at Orochimaru's place."

"Don't say it like that. He refused to teach me anything useful, and wants me to use a sword that came out of his mouth!"

I winced, "...ew."

"Exactly."

So we were at a mutal agreement: hide Sasuke from Orochimaru, and he won't try to kill Itachi until he regained his memories.

"It'd be pointless if Itachi didn't even know who you are." I said pointedly.

"Why do things happen every time I try to kill Itachi?" Sasuke groaned.

Entry 126

Hashirama thought Sasuke was Izuna, and hugged him, then gave him the Obito-treatment.

Luckily, Sasuke had already had a trauma in his life, so it helped him withstand this one.

But he was still pretty shaken up.

Meanwhile, Itachi was still trying to find Konoha, he didn't realize he was indoors, so he kept wandering the hallways.

I hope that he and Sasuke wouldn't bump into each other. Deal or not, Sasuke still hates Itachi.

Entry 127

Chio woke all of us up again.

She then proceed to sit in Sasuke's hair, making a nest in it. I could see Hashirama eyeing my 'brother' enviously...

Speaking of Izuna, I wish he's still alive...

Wait.

If HASHIRAMA SENJU's alive, then why can't an Uchiha be?

I'll ask Sasori to ask Kabuto to find out the secret to Edo Tensei, then I can have Izuna back!

But problem is, Izuna don't have monkuton to resurrect himself the way Hashirama did, so the only other way I could think of is to...

No. No way. Nonononono you can't make me-!

But Boss~ Tobi and I are lonely in hre!

But- don't you two have each other?

We are practically the same people, Boss! So there's gotta be somebody new in here that DOESN'T act like us or whoever you designed us to be!

...that makes a bit of sense, but the answer is still no.

What do you want more, Izuna, or Hashirama? If you don't call Izuna here, then Hashirama may remain here FOREVER!

I shuddered.

Fine.


	19. Future Job Predictor

Entry 128

Another ding-dong dash from the brats.

They left a page printed out from a computer (or so they explained)

I winced as I saw a picture of me before I got immortality. Yeah, I was OLD and I got white hair and WRINKLES!

Worse, Hashirama took a look at it and asked me if he could meet my grandpa.

Sigh...

Only Chio understands me...

Entry 129

The brats left something else this time. A future job predictor.

I typed in my own name, Madara Uchiha.

Apparently, I will become president.

Diamau will be a nun. (BWAHAHAHAHAH-)

Shut up, Boss.

Tobi will become a quiz show contestant.

And Hashirama will beome a topless model.

O.o;;

GET THOSE IMAGES OUTTA MY HEAD!

Pein will become a nice old man.

Konan will be a porn star.

Madara-san, what is porn?

... No comment.

Deidara will be an animal therapist (animal the rapist?)

Sasori will join Diamau in becoming a nun.

Kisame will b-become a lap d-dancer (BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA-)

Itachi would be... A superhero?

Probably because he lost his memory for now.

Hidan will become an internet hacker.

Kakuzu will take over Sasori's job as a puppeteer.

GASP! Chio is going to become a nice old man!

Shows that the results aren't accurate, Boss.

Oh, stop sulking just because you're a nun.

Sasuke is going to become a professional hippy? Heh.

Zetsu is going to become a bearded lady in the circus.

O.o

... And the kyuubi brat (aka Diary thief #2), is going to be a human shield.

...

HAHAHA! I am SO going to show this to the others!

Entry 130

Boy, were they ever MAD!

Manu of their injuries are not my fault,though. They had nosebleeds on daydreams of Konan being a porn star, and she unleashed her paper airplanes on them.

The ones that drop explosive notes.

It was also suspicious that somebody dyed Chio white, and strapped a bent wooden stick on her back labled as 'cane'.

Anyways, off to hide now.

Entry 131

I decided that going outside the Akatsuki base is a god idea, since the elemental nations IS big and they would give up sooner or later. It's not like I'm leaving the organization or something.

Decided to take Chio with me, Diamau'll go into cuteness withdraws if he dont see her for long.

Entry 132

Yaaaaawn, travelling's more boring than I thought.

Hours upon hours of walking, and still not a single village in sight!

I have no sense of direction, and had now miraculously reached Sunagakure.

Ame is a part of Mizugakure, and the distance towards Suna is a three-day travel, that's why what I just did was considered impossible.

Heh, might as well have some fun here.

Entry 133

Yeowch, they have very spicy food here! Water is also very precious, so the people drink cactus juice instead of it.

I have disguised myself as an unassuming traveller, though my fashion sense might not be working since many people are glancing my way oddly.

Boss~! Rainbow-coloured scarves and a sign on your head saying 'ignore me', is NOT the best way to be unassuming!

Really?

Heh, I shouldn't have expected more, considering the vibrant shade of orange that you painted Tobi's mask with.

Tobi likes his mask!

Yeah, listen to the kid! He likes his mask!

Sigh, THAT's what I have to deal with on my entire stay. I have successfully evaded ANBU that tried to bring me in because I'm suspicious. I am now renting an apartment and planning my next move.

Entry 134

Ah, I heard some of the news about the aftermath of the Chuunin Exams.

The Kazekage is dead, his son is 'reluctantly' appointed the new lead. Konoha is now on tense terms with Suna, and all because of Orochimaru. That's also the reason why security's so high these days.

Remind me to go kick his ass later.

But for now, I have to feed Chio.


	20. Traveling

Entry 135

Left Suna today.

I'm not sure if the Akatsuki has calmed down yet, and I'm not taking my chances.

What are you going to do?

I thought you know me, Diamau. I've decided to go sightseeing!

Where?!

... You are an idiot.

Entry 136

When I said sightseeing, I meant that we travel across the elemental countries and visit.

Oooooh.

We'll be masquerading as civilians of course. If we're ninjas they'd try to recruit us or kill us.

What is there to see?

Tobi, enlighten him.

Okay! So Diamau-san, In Konohagakure there's this biiiiig mountain with faces of all Hokages in history! There's also the Konoha forest, which is full of ninjas trainings and loooots of animals!

In Sunagakure (which is here), they have an actual pyramid somewhere in the desert! Those are where they buried their Kazekages in the tombs! I ber if we stayed longer we could have watched the burial process of the Yondaime Kazekage!

Mizugakure had this veeeeery big waterfall! They also have the best fish in the world and their sushi is world-famous!

Kumogakure had a the longest mountain range in the world! They also have the most advanced technologies!

Iwagakure has the best artists and sculptures! Plus, their academy include the widest range of classes than any other village!

Ooookay Tobi, take a deep breath and calm down.

Hai, Madara-san!

O.o. How can you still be energetic after all that?!

Tobi eats lots of candy~!

Entry 137

The nearest village is... Kumo!

The Brats mailed us the latest chapters of the manga from their world. So they managed to control the Juubi and used it against the Shinobi alliance!

You sound happy.

Of course, my plan is going smoothly.

What about Naruto?

I don't know actually. I don't think Kyuubi was extracted.

...so HOW did we get Juubi?

Fluke?

Entry 138

Days of traveling but the desert seemed never-ending. I thought Kumo is the closest!

It is Boss, it's only been a day so far, the second closest from Suna is Konoha and even that's a three-day trip.

Sigh, still no mountain in sight. Who's turn is it to feed Chio-chan?

Tobi is a good boy!

Boss, I thought we're sharing a body so all the work goes to you.

I could materialize you as shadow clones.

Ah, but then you'd get three times the distance from here~

I can handle it. Plus, it'll be training. From what I've seen so far of my future self's fight against Kyuubi brat, he's not doing so well.

Isn't he winning?

He should have destroyed them easily! But now that the fighting dragged on, it's clear what the outcome will be.

Huh?

Remember the rules of anime?

Yes?

The more hopeless the situation is, the more chances for the Protagonist's survival.

Ah.

Entry 139

We're here!

It's night time right now, so I plan to find a hotel, drink lots of water, and get some rest.

Passing through the gates is very easy. I used my sharingan-reinforced genjutsu to create passports. My fake name is Diamau Harcha (aside from being my clone, I an use that identity any time too.) and I am from Ame.

Since I'm a "civilian", there are no weapon checks. But there is a metal-detector that I had to use my genjutsu to silence.

At least those guys rely on technologies more than jutsu, or this would never have worked.

But still I'm amazed at how advanced this city is. Flickering lights, mountain silhouettes, the roar of cars... Okay maybe not so much.

And if you ask the reason why I knew about cars, remember my trip to the Brat twin's dimension.

That is all. Goodnight.

Entry 140

Explored the city today!

They have a tour bus that travel daily through Kumogakure. I hooked one up for Diamau, Tobi and I. We pretended to be triplets and I altered some of their features ( Diamau now have blue eyes. Tobi has rounder cheeks just so he could look more childish)

Kumogakure also has a very large library. I was interested in planets and things (I liked the Moon in paticular). Tobi was drooling over cook books and candy magazines, even finding a lolipop that looked like his mask!

Diamau was interested in the manga section. He recognized some some of the people we know from the AVM, like Naraku and Cell.

Oh, and Light too. I suddenly remembered that I had promised to keepL away from him. Oh well...

After that we went to the entertainment part of the city. It was filled with parks, amusement parks, malls, bars... SometimesI doubt Konoha was really the largest village out of the five.

We played around for a while before it finally got dark. Then we headed back to the hotel for dinner and THEN realized we had not eaten for an entire day.

Entry 141

Guess who met today?

Itachi.

To be precise, a memoryless Itachi who don't remember me or the massacre and was freaked out by the Akatsuki (not that he showed it, but I know how to interpret his Hns), and escaped.

Of course since he didn't bring Hashirama or any vengeful Akatsuki members with him, we allowed him to travel with us. Apparently he was trying to find to find the "mysteriously missing" Uchiha clan and nobody had the heart to tell him that he killed them all.

It's very sad really.

Was that sarcasm Boss?

Yes it is.

Where are we going now?

To Konoha, of course!


End file.
